We go on through life thinking we can control it. Thinking maybe we somehow can hold power in this universe. We want to control ourselves. Control others.

I love the idea of control. For everyone to live by my rules. I have dreamt up beautiful worlds that allow everyone to live in my harmony. I tried to control my life by my choices. I chose one home, to have the universe throw me to another. I did not get to go to the school I chose. I choose happiness but I am always miserable.

The world made me so uncomfortable so I would have to change homes, again. I have tried to hold onto things that I do not want to let go of. I held onto relationships that only were eating me, that then hurt to leave. I get angry at myself for losing control, not controlling the situation, for things not going perfectly. I blame myself for what I have lost.

Control is sadly not real. We do not really get a choice in anything. All we can do is float through life and hope the waves push us toward our dreams.